Why Don’t You Have Impostor Syndrome?!?
Lately, mostly at the end of my summer vacation, I have been having quite a bit of impostor syndrome. It has gotten worse over the years, and it is quite annoying. I do not remember having to deal with that earlier in my career, so it got me thinking why this is the case. I’ve been talking with a few of my colleagues about impostor syndrome in order to get other people’s views on it. Interestingly, about half of the people I’ve talked to about it also suffer from impostor syndrome, while the rest seem impervious to it, or only experience it very briefly and very seldom.
Reading time: 5 minutes.
What is it
In short, impostor syndrome is an experience of feeling like a fraud - feeling like you don’t belong in a certain setting, feeling unqualified for the work you are doing. It is related to anxiety. If you want to dive in, I recommend the wikipedia page on impostor syndrome. 70% of all Americans have dealt with it in some form.
Please note that it is not a mental disorder.
Why do people suffer from this
There can be lots of reasons for this. Beginners in a profession may believe they do not “fit in” because they lack the experience of their colleagues. People with a lot of achievements on their resumes may think they succeeded because of sheer luck.
In other words, no matter the circumstances, your brain can be awful to you. I’ve decided to write up some reasons I think my brain pushes the impostor syndrome on me.
But first… I really am an impostor
And if you work in the IT industry like I do, then so are you. If you really know what you are doing each and every day, it probably means all of your work could and should be automated. So, by extension, most of what we do in the IT industry should be new to us, and we are all impostors, trying to provide a perception of professionalism.
Maybe this is one of the reasons for a lot of people in the IT industry having to deal with impostor syndrome. But even though in some sense we are all frauds, it’s still annoying to have to deal with the feeling, and personally I would much rather channel that energy towards more creative activities.
Take 1: Constant criticism
Apparently, artists are especially vulnerable to dealing with impostor syndrome because they are facing constant criticism: They pour their hearts and souls onto an art piece, and then everybody else is free to say their opinions on it in the open.
In IT, something similar happens: Everything we do will be posted to a broad audience in form of pull requests, presentations, or just code that others may swear at a month from now.
Take 2: Not being “the best” at anything
Unless for a very few select people, you shouldn’t expect to be “the best” at any particular skill. It can be exhausting if you don’t internalize that realization. To make matters worse, in the IT industry we are always made aware of new technologies that may or may not impact our future relevance. It’s impossible to keep up.
In the software industry, the technology you are working with changes all the time, so having 10 years experience with a certain product doesn’t help much when you are using a different set of products now. Newly-educated people and I are quickly on the same level regarding the tools and languages we use. Something in me has a hard time accepting that 20 years of experience as a software developer means so little in “keeping ahead” in the technology space.
Of course there is much more to being a good developer than just knowing the newest tools well, but that is hard for the brain to realize.
Take 3: Almost 20 years, and I haven’t “grokked it” yet…?
When fresh out of University, it was fine only knowing about algorithmic complexity and not much about real-world coding. There was a world to absorb and learn about! And there were all these experienced people from whom I could learn, and over time I would get to know as much as them, or even more.
Now that I am older, I feel like I ought to be “on the other side”. I should have “cracked it”. But I haven’t. There is still so much I am not good at, and so much I am confused about.
Take 4: As you grow older, there are more things to worry about
Early in people’s careers, there isn’t much to worry about: You get hired somewhere, learn the tools you need, are assigned a desk, and then you basically work on isolated tasks. You always have well-defined tasks to work on, so your only day-to-day worry is whether your code will work or not, and whether you will make it on time or not.
As you grow career-wise, you get more and more responsibilities. Suddenly you have to define a good chunk of your own work. And you have to carve out the tasks for others as well. There are a lot more unknowns. A lot more material for your brain to worry about. A lot more that is impossible to “get good at”. A lot more reasons for impostor syndrome.
Take 5: Having very talented colleagues
I am extremely lucky to get to work with very smart colleagues. (And even better, they are all very lovely people whom I really enjoy being around.) This also means that there is no “resting on your laurels”, because everybody is keen on learning and forging ahead. It’s super passionate.
Some of my friends work at places where there’s a very different attitude towards work: It’s just a day job. Maybe working in a place like that would help calm my impostor syndrome. But as my wife says: How many hours would you stand working like that?
Final words
In short, I am extremely privileged. I have skilled and caring colleagues. I have challenging work. I have been able to stay in the awesome IT industry professionally for about 20 years. I am learning something new each day. And I’m complaining that my brain occasionally throws this impostor syndrome at me.
In fact, some people embrace impostor syndrome because it implies that you have an opportunity to grow:
While he relishes being an impostor, Rodney thinks perhaps we should do away with the term impostor syndrome. Instead, we could say that we are in growth situations.
It’s just that I really envy my colleagues who don’t worry as much. I would like to learn to worry less. Right now I’m not sure how, but it’s an interesting area.